目录
Content
Chapter_1
Chapter_2
Chapter_3
Chapter_4
Chapter_5
Chapter_6
Chapter_7
Chapter_8
Chapter_9
Chapter_10
Chapter_1
301 Where there's smoke
New York City. Home to one millionexciting, eligible, single men...and four cold and slightly cranky single women.
Well, this is good. We're actually crossing water to meet men.
Reminder, I am not going to Staten island to meet men.
I am going to judge them.
A perk of being a minor celebrity is that you get invited to major events.
Like New York fire department's annual cal-endar competition.
This is a long way to go to watch some fire-men take their shirts off.
I'm on the ferry.
I better see more than pecs.
I'm freezing!
I don't understand why they couldn't hold the competition in a bar in Manhattan.
They have firemen on the Upper East Side too.
And they only put out top-notch fires.
Look at how small it looks.
Who would have thought an island that tiny
would be big enough to hold all our old boyfriends.
He loves to cook and can whip up a great baked ziti.
He's from engine 275, ladder 133, way out there in Queens.
Is he hot?
He's a six.
On a scale of how many?
His name was Bill Kelley.
He was a divorced politician, campaigning for New York city comptroller.
And the token male judge.
Watch the firemen.
I'm more into cops.
He's a dancer and married.
Sorry, ladies.
His wife Maria said he's a good guy but he works too hard.
Work that belly!
Ladies, over here.
ok, they don't make cosmopolitans, it's a Staten island iced tea.
Is that like a Long island iced tea?
I think so.
Hello, I'm drunk.
Do we have to be this close?
It's embarrassing.
You gotta be in it to win it.
I'm moving back.
I can't see the cute firemen from back there without my glasses.
Why do you even care?
You have Steve.
I do not have Steve. There is no having of the Steve, we're just friends.
We're just friends.
I don't put my dick in you.
Another one of these and I might let you.
There are no datable men here.
What was your first clue? The pleat her jack-ets or smell of ''High karate''?
Ladies, this is Ricky Fantucchi.
He's a Capricorn.
His uncles are firefighters.
Yes, ladies, that's a cheetah on his arm.
Ricky represents engine 53 in Lower Man-hattan.
I'd like to show him my Lower Manhattan.
Look at his arms, they're huge.
You know what they say.
Big arms...big arms.
Hello, 911. I'm on fire.
After the contest, I began to realize that Stat-en island was like a quaint European coun-try.
The American music was 20 years behind
and you could smoke wherever you wanted.
Hi. Are those shirts are for sale?
I'd like to get one for my nephew.
Yeah, you could buy 'em.
But I don't know where.
I got this one at work, but I'm sure you could buy 'em at other places.
I've seen them in those shops... Samantha.
Ricky, how are you doing?
Good. How are you doing?
I saw you up there.
I saw you too.
You looked fantastic.
Yeah?
I never did anything like that.
My sisters said, ''Do it, Ricky''.
And I said, ''I never did anything like that before''.
You did it very well.
I wonder what month you'll be.
Maybe October.
My birthday is in October.
I bet July, or any month that's hot.
Two songs later, it was time for this dancing queen to take a breather.
Hello. can I bum a smoke?
Sure.
Thanks.
There you go.
That's good. I quit three years ago.
How's that working out for you?
Good. I allow myself one a week.
You live right on the edge, don't you?
can I buy you a beer?
No, I got it.
It's on me.
For helping me out in there.
Sure. And by the way, you have the worst taste in men......ever.
No way.
You gave that guy from Midtown a 7.
I like a firefighter with love handles to hold on to when escaping a burning building.
You got a point there.
But you were tough.
And what's with the half-points?
6.5, 8.5?
What can I say?
Sometimes a girl needs a half.
So, which district do you vote in?
Whichever one is near Barneys.
You've never voted in New York city?
correct, Mr. President.
What's your address?
official government purposes.
I can tell you your district.
officially?
It's 245 East 73rd street.
District 23. Same as mine.
I'm at Madison and 82nd.
Fancy. I thought all honest politicians lived in studios and ate beans out of a can.
I'm not a fan of beans.
can I get your phone number?
Government purposes only.
I'm just here with my friends having a good time.
I'm not into dating right now.
What, bad break-up?
That was a long silence.
Actually, it was a silence and a half.
Have dinner with me.
Would it help if I took my shirt off?
Time to go.
Politician's hitting on me.
And is that a bad thing?
He's just way too ''I'm the guy''.
Are you sure? He's pretty cute.
I don't want to have to tell you this.
I saw him give someone a thumbs up.
We're out of here. Samantha went home with that firefighter.
Toot toot, beep beep.
And charlotte's around somewhere.
How many cocktails did she have?
A couple, why?
And so, three girls headed home, taking only fond memories of Staten island and its infa-mous iced teas.
Honey, close up, it's cold.
Are you gonna help?
I held her head in the taxi.
You're so nice, Carrie.
I'm nice too, aren't I?
Yes, you're nice.
I'm nice...I'm pretty and I'm smart.
I'm a catch.
Yes, you're a catch.
I hate you.
You know what? I'm gonna meet the perfect guy and get married.
Yes, you're getting married.
Did you hear that New York?
I'm getting married this year.
I'm getting married and here I come!
If she falls over I will never stop laughing.
I wasn't quite sure if it was the iced teas or the Staten island dating pool that broke the camel's back.
But something set charlotte on fire.
And uptown on dry land, Samantha and Mr. July had their own fire going.
You're so big and strong.
I believe the official fire department count is ''a four alarmer''.
The next morning at breakfast, Miranda and I wanted poached eggs, Samantha wanted to give us the details and charlotte wanted to keep her head from exploding over her rain-coat.
I'm telling you, no guy has ever gotten me that wet.
Pass the salt.
Let me tell you about his cock.
Will you be quiet? The people at the next table have a child.
That's their choice.
Miss Hangover's right.
can we spare the cock talk till cocktail time?
I wanted you to know my fireman was
every bit the fantasy I had in mind.
New York's finest.
That's cops.
Whatever.
I think it's wrong to sleep with a man just to fulfill a fantasy.
All the men we sleep with fulfill a certain fantasy.
or nightmare.
You fantasiz