目录
Content
Chapter_1
Chapter_2
Chapter_3
Chapter_4
Chapter_5
Chapter_6
Chapter_7
Chapter_8
Chapter_9
Chapter_10
Chapter_11
Chapter_12
Chapter_13
Chapter_14
Chapter_15
Chapter_16
Chapter_17
Chapter_18
Chapter_19
Chapter_20
Chapter_21
Chapter_22
Chapter_23
Chapter_24
Chapter_25
Chapter_26
Chapter_27
Chapter_28
Chapter_29
Chapter_30
Chapter_31
Chapter_32
Chapter_33
Chapter_34
Chapter_35
Chapter_36
Chapter_37
Chapter_38
Chapter_39
Chapter_40
Chapter_41
Chapter_42
Chapter_43
Chapter_44
Chapter_45
Chapter_46
Chapter_47
Chapter_48
Chapter_49
Chapter_50
Chapter_51
Chapter_52
Chapter_53
Chapter_54
Chapter_55
Chapter_56
Chapter_57
Chapter_58
Chapter_59
Chapter_60
Chapter_61
Chapter_62
Chapter_63
Chapter_64
Chapter_65
Chapter_66
Chapter_67
Chapter_68
Chapter_69
Chapter_70
Chapter_71
Chapter_72
Chapter_73
Chapter_74
Chapter_75
Chapter_76
Chapter_77
Chapter_78
Chapter_79
Chapter_80
Chapter_81
Chapter_82
Chapter_83
Chapter_84
Chapter_85
Chapter_86
Chapter_87
Chapter_88
Chapter_89
Chapter_90
Chapter_91
Chapter_92
Chapter_93
Chapter_94
Chapter_95
Chapter_96
Chapter_97
Chapter_98
Chapter_99
Chapter_100
Chapter_101
Chapter_102
Chapter_103
Chapter_104
Chapter_105
Chapter_106
Chapter_107
Chapter_108
Chapter_109
Chapter_110
Chapter_111
Chapter_112
Chapter_113
Chapter_114
Chapter_115
Chapter_116
Chapter_117
Chapter_118
Chapter_119
Chapter_120
Chapter_121
Chapter_122
Chapter_123
Chapter_124
Chapter_125
Chapter_126
Chapter_127
Chapter_128
Chapter_129
Chapter_130
Chapter_131
Chapter_132
Chapter_133
Chapter_134
Chapter_135
Chapter_136
Chapter_137
Chapter_138
Chapter_139
Chapter_140
Chapter_141
Chapter_142
Chapter_143
Chapter_144
Chapter_145
Chapter_146
Chapter_147
Chapter_148
Chapter_149
Chapter_150
Chapter_151
Chapter_152
Chapter_153
Chapter_154
Chapter_155
Chapter_156
Chapter_157
Chapter_158
Chapter_159
Chapter_160
Chapter_161
Chapter_162
Chapter_163
Chapter_164
Chapter_1
101 The One Where Monica Gets a New Roommate (The Pilot-The Uncut Version)
[Scene: Central Perk, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are there.]
Monica: There's nothing to tell! He's just some guy I work with!
Joey: C'mon, you're going out with the guy! There's gotta be something wrong with him!
Chandler: All right Joey, be nice. So does he have a hump? A hump and a hairpiece?
Phoebe: Wait, does he eat chalk?
(They all stare, bemused.)
Phoebe: Just, 'cause, I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl- oh!
Monica: Okay, everybody relax. This is not even a date. It's just two people going out to dinner and- not having sex.
Chandler: Sounds like a date to me.
[Time Lapse]
Chandler: Alright, so I'm back in high school, I'm standing in the middle of the cafeteria, and I realize I am totally naked.
All: Oh, yeah. Had that dream.
Chandler: Then I look down, and I realize there's a phone... there.
Joey: Instead of...?
Chandler: That's right.
Joey: Never had that dream.
Phoebe: No.
Chandler: All of a sudden, the phone starts to ring. Now I don't know what to do, everybody starts looking at me.
Monica: And they weren't looking at you before?!
Chandler: Finally, I figure I'd better answer it, and it turns out it's my mother, which is very-very weird, because- she never calls me!
[Time Lapse, Ross has entered.]
Ross: (mortified) Hi.
Joey: This guy says hello, I wanna kill myself.
Monica: Are you okay, sweetie?
Ross: I just feel like someone reached down my throat, grabbed my small intestine, pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
Chandler: Cookie?
Monica: (explaining to the others) Carol moved her stuff out today.
Joey: Ohh.
Monica: (to Ross) Let me get you some coffee.
Ross: Thanks.
Phoebe: Ooh! Oh! (She starts to pluck at the air just in front of Ross.)
Ross: No, no don't! Stop cleansing my aura! No, just leave my aura alone, okay?
Phoebe: Fine! Be murky!
Ross: I'll be fine, alright? Really, everyone. I hope she'll be very happy.
Monica: No you don't.
Ross: No I don't, to hell with her, she left me!
Joey: And you never knew she was a lesbian...
Ross: No!! Okay?! Why does everyone keep fixating on that? She didn't know, how should I know?
Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian... (They all stare at him.) Did I say that out loud?
Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman at sobbing 3:00 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren." was what? A wrong number?
Ross: Sorry.
Joey: Alright Ross, look. You're feeling a lot of pain right now. You're angry. You're hurting. Can I tell you what the answer is?
(Ross gestures his consent.)
Joey: Strip joint! C'mon, you're single! Have some hormones!
Ross: I don't want to be single, okay? I just... I just- I just wanna be married again!
(Rachel enters in a wet wedding dress and starts to search the room.)
Chandler: And I just want a million dollars! (He extends his hand hopefully.)
Monica: Rachel?!
Rachel: Oh God Monica hi! Thank God! I just went to your building and you weren't there and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here and you are, you are!
Waitress: Can I get you some coffee?
Monica: (pointing at Rachel) De-caff. (to All) Okay, everybody, this is Rachel, another Lincoln High survivor. (to Rachel) This is everybody, this is Chandler, and Phoebe, and Joey, and- you remember my brother Ross?
Rachel: Hi, sure!
Ross: Hi.
(They go to hug but Ross's umbrella opens. He sits back down defeated again. A moment of silence follows as Rachel sits and the others expect her to explain.)
Monica: So you wanna tell us now, or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
Rachel: Oh God... well, it started about a half hour before the wedding. I was in the room where we were keeping all the presents, and I was looking at this gravy boat. This really gorgeous Lamauge gravy boat. When all of a sudden- (to the waitress that brought her coffee)Sweet 'n' Lo?- I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Barry! And then I got really freaked out, and that's when it hit me: how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Y'know, I mean, I always knew looked familiar, but... Anyway, I just had to get out of there, and I started wondering 'Why am I doing this, and who am I doing this for?'. (to Monica) So anyway I just didn't know where to go, and I know that you